You are OK

(Article updated for typos)

There's a pretty standard formula that most fairy tales follow. Life is just perfect for a group of people, probably nobility or otherwise well off. Then something terrible happens that throws life into disarray. There are some struggles, a fairy godmother or an enchanted item pops up, the bad people are vanquished, and life goes back to being absolutely perfect.

I hate fairy tales. It's not that I don't like to see people happy. I hate fairy tales because we learn a lot by story whether we realize it or not. I hate fairy tales because so many of us live our lives as if we were in these stories. We try so hard to make everything fit just right together, and for everyone. What ends up happening is that we get frustrated because things aren't perfect. Not everything is absolutely "fair" for every person and we think that we should get everything that we want. It's a constant complaint of mine that people are just waiting for their metaphorical white knights to come riding up on horses and carry us off into the sunset to a happily ever after.

Have you ever noticed when we have high expectations of how great something is supposed to be but isn't that we generally get cranky. There's bickering and fighting and angry words exchanged. Sometimes it gets much, much worse. It's for this reason that I hate these types of stories: they imbue a certain sense of how life is supposed to be. Especially when we're immersed in these stories (which many of us are) we grow up with unrealistic expectations and we get angry when life and those around us do not live up to them.

One of my favorite stories is that told in The Dead Poet Society. If you haven't seen the movie, I'm going to ruin the ending for you. However it won't ruin the movie - it's incredible. It's about a teacher who inspires students to think for themselves and to buck the system. Of course, those who run the school system take a disliking to the teacher and eventually force him out. As he is clearing out his desk and leaving during a school day, all the students in class stand on their desks and show their devotion to their teacher. I love this story because the "ending" shows that not everything turns out OK. However, the teacher did have a strong positive impact on the students and they let him know this as he was departing. They were better even though not everything was as would be hoped.

Not everything outside of you has to be OK for things on the inside to be OK. If we wait for everything to be OK on the outside, we are going to be waiting for a very, very long time (hint: at least as long as it will take you to live). Not only that, but if you want to help make things on the outside of you be OK, you need to be OK to some degree on the inside. Think about it for just a moment: how can you help someone be more calm if you are panicked? How can you save another from drowning if you are drowning yourself? Furthermore, adding more stress to yourself does not inherently help out a situation. I've seen many a good person implode from trying to fix situations almost entirely beyond their control. It's always that small, tantalizing possibility that we can control the outcome and make everything better that tempts us to destroy ourselves (or others) in over-exertion.

We can get so focused on the problems in life that we forget all the good things that we have going for us. There's only so much suffering that's required in order to help with a problem. Suffering by itself does not fix anything. I have few friends who are dealing with life circumstances that are quite traumatic. I have a history such things myself. One thing that I have learned is that we have to distance ourselves a bit from the problems that we face. We can't become so involved that we lose sight of the rest of our lives, no matter how awful things get. Feeling bad for the good things that we have also does absolutely nothing useful for those hurting. Using the good things that we acquire can make things better. It is completely possible to be alright even though things are falling apart. Eventually we need to get to the point to where we are OK, and it's a bit confusing to me why we would delay our healing.

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The Great and Powerful Cassie

I want to agree with just about everything you just said. That is all.